When we first took our oldest out of public school, I worried about one thing more than any other: are we going to fall behind? All the questions about curriculum and scheduling felt urgent. While in public school, worrying had been a powerful motivator for us to stay on top of assignments. While starting to homeschool, we needn’t have worried (at all!) about getting started quickly. What we needed to do most was something that we would not have come up with on our own, and it was this: nothing. Or more precisely: deschooling.
Deschooling is a process to help new homeschoolers decompress after leaving classroom education. It’s how students unlearn the mentality that often comes with classroom learning. New homeschoolers typically have some negative associations with enforced learning. That is especially true if ineffective learning was one of your primary reasons for taking your kid out of school. The best thing for their ongoing education is often to start with a complete break.
What do students do while deschooling?
- Get out of the school rhythm! Sleep in and have a lazy morning. You’re recuperating, and you’re also unlearning that education has to happen at a certain time and place, or in a certain way.
- Skip the lines—do an activity in town during school hours. Some attractions give discounts for homeschoolers during the slow hours.
- Read out loud with your children. You’ll build up some rapport, make pleasant memories, and prime them for formal learning when the time comes. In our family, our read alouds are when most of the learning happens without even trying.
- Try a new hobby. Bake muffins together. Go on a bike ride.
- Rediscover interests. Does your family have a closet full of board games that you never play? Roller skates in a bin in the garage? It’s time to see if some of those things are your child’s next passion, now that you have time for it again.
- If it comes effortlessly, cheat a little bit and learn something. If your child asks why some things float and others don’t, go ahead and learn about density and buoyancy and do an informal experiment.
How long should you deschool?
Could be a few weeks, could be a few months! That may seem like an unsatisfying answer, and I promise I’ll give a more complete answer in the next paragraph, but first I want to point something out: deschooling isn’t just for the students! You, the parent, are adapting to a new role, too. Enjoy getting some distance from the things that weren’t working for your family, and start attuning to what does work. It takes some time for your perspective to shift. Let the process begin, but remember that it’s okay for it to happen over time.
So as promised, here are the signs that you’re reaching the end of the deschooling phase:
- You and your child feel more connected with each other than you did while in formal school.
- You and your child don’t feel negative about picking up learning materials and seeing what’s inside.
- You have at least the first steps of a plan in place to start homeschooling.
If you’re not seeing those signs that deschooling has run its course yet, don’t hesitate to give yourself more time. You may feel pressure from loved ones or your own internal voice to hurry things along so you don’t Fall Behind. We certainly did. And what I learned when I was in your position is this: don’t worry about falling behind if you don’t have a clear picture of where you really want to go. Also: kids learn things quickly when they’re ready to learn them. It can be hard to believe in the moment, but you really, really don’t need to worry about Falling Behind at this stage.
What do I do while Deschooling?
I know I alluded to this above, but your child isn’t the only one who will need time to transition into a new way of thinking about learning. You, too, are carrying assumptions from the classroom about how education works, and over time you’ll identify and test those assumptions to see if they really apply to your family or not. Get some distance from the classroom format and notice what feels meaningful and important to include in your family’s life. Notice what your child finds engaging. You can center your child’s education around those things now. To spell it out:
- Read up. You’re in a strange new world, it’s true, but many have gone before and charted the area. You’ll find that some approaches resonate with you more than others. With time, you’ll learn to identify what works for your family and structure your approach around that.
- Connect with your child. Your family is entering a new chapter of life that prioritizes your relationship more. Spend low-stress time together. Try new things and see what interests them: board games, being outside, physical activity, cooking, etc.
- Observe your child. Notice what activities they reach flow states in. Do they spend an hour at a time reading, building with blocks, painting, playing outside, or talking with friends? What are their interests?
- Network. Find out what homeschool co-ops, play groups, and other opportunities are in your area. There may be social media or online resources, or you may bump in to people as you spend time at parks and libraries during school hours.
At some point, your family will feel ready and you’ll have your materials in place to begin homeschooling. And when that day arrives, you will have de-schooled and begun your homeschooling journey!
